"Once I visited a girlfriend's family in Phoenix for Turkey Day. We took the turkey out of oven and lifted it with a carving fork in its neck and the plastic handle in its backside. The handle stripped out of the turkey, which landed in the pan and flung about a gallon of scalding turkey broth and grease all over my chest, stomach, and forearms. Luckily, their pool was open, so I made a beeline and jumped into the deep end. In another stroke of luck, they had monster aloe plants growing poolside. What would've been second- or third-degree burns turned out to be not that bad. Never try this in upstate New York!"