Unless you're dealing with those rare, agile zombies of the 28 Days Later
variety, anyone who lives in a two-story house has a better-than-average chance of survival. Most zombies are pathetic climbers, so eluding them means little more than moving upstairs and removing your staircase. Faced with a zombie invasion, many frantic homeowners freak out, mindlessly smashing their staircases with a sledgehammer. However, the more preservation-minded among us prefer dismantling and storing them
until the invasion is over. Start by unscrewing the newel posts and banisters, then use a flat crowbar to gently pull up the treads and risers. Temporary access in and out of your house can be provided by either a portable fire ladder or a rope. Those living in one-story houses should take to the attic, then pull up the retractable ladder
. Anyone unfortunate enough not to have an attic might have to wait out the invasion on the roof until the undead are returned to the hellmouth from whence they came—or rescue crews arrive.