1. Tape
Tape is the tool for men who don't understand tools. In other words, my tool. The other day, I attached a piece of ventilation duct to the back of my dryer and then ran it through a hole in the wall and outside the house, all with tape. It's like a duct tape Habitrail behind my dryer. Instructions said the ventilation hose came with straps and screws, and then there was this thing that was supposed to go on the wall where the hose went in, and...yeah, okay, can you pass me that roll of tape?

2. Levels
Levels are cool. They must be, because I have like 10 of them in all different sizes. I have a plastic level that is 3 inches wide and utterly useless. I have an old wooden level that I bought at a yard sale that has the word "basement" written on it, as if it might complain if I keep it upstairs. I even have a pair of cuff links that are little metal levels with bubbles and blue water inside. I think I like the bubbles. The only thing I ever—and I mean ever—use a level for is hanging pictures. Why would I need 10 levels to hang pictures? It must be the bubbles.

3. Free allen wrenches
Whenever I buy a piece of cheap, mass-produced furniture (I live in a melamine world), it comes complete with an Allen wrench to help me assemble it. For some reason, I have decided that this is a great hidden value in my purchase, that I'm not only getting a new trundle bed, but the manufacturer has generously provided me with a fine new tool that I can keep. And so I do. Of course what they are really saying is that if you bought this piece of crap furniture you probably don't own any tools. I have every free Allen wrench I have ever gotten in a special section of my toolbox. It's the section marked stuff nobody else is dumb enough to save.

4. Old-fashioned tools
I have a wooden folding ruler. I guess I got this to match my wooden ladder. Evidently, they also make a lightweight metal version of this ruler that rolls up. No matter. Somehow, wood just seems right. Unlike most things in my toolbox that I've used at least once, I have never actually used this. Ever. It's like something the Professor invented on an episode of Gilligan's Island. On a slow day. It would be easier to pace off a room and guess than it would be to unfold and refold this turn-of-the-century relic. So why do I keep
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