New Glues Face Off

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Tension is thickening in the adhesive arena, where three new glues—Sumo, Rhino, and, representing Elmer's Ultimate, a snorting bull—are trying to overthrow Gorilla, the reigning champ of stickiness. The glues share similar polyurethane-based formulas and are a close match at binding together wood, metal, concrete, and most anything else, which, for many consumers, means the choice comes down to a mascot-on-mascot battle.

The most fearsome-looking contender is the clench-fisted blue beast of a bull. "Don't mess with him," says the Elmer's camp. Not to be intimidated, Sumo's handlers claim their boy's superior human intellect would outwit the beasts'. To this, a Gorilla rep responds, "As a human, I wouldn't want to fight a gorilla." And as for the rhino squaring off against the gorilla, the African Wildlife Foundation claims that the two rarely meet in the wild. Not that such reality stops the Rhino group from chanting, "We're stronger, faster, tougher."

In the end, we at TOH aren't quite sure whom to believe, but we are willing to wager a million bucks that any one of these mascots could fricassee the San Diego Chicken.

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